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05:47pm 22/09/2009
  I got a job at Hotel Buckminster in Kenmore...for $12 an hour which is more that I'll make anywhere else aside from waitressing, but my shifts are 4-midnight. I don't even care. I need to save money for Australia which is so soon! Ah January you are approaching so quickly. Aside from this school sucks and I wanna be done with it. Also Derek and I are fantabulous and I love him more and more and more.
08:06am 26/07/2009
  Work is killing me, the drama this week has been so retarded. I don't understand why people hate when you're happy and say whatever they can to bring you down. And why they love to talk about things they know nothing about. And have been your friend up to that point. AWESOME.
My cat died at like 4 this morning. She has been real sick since Thursday I guess. My dad came and told me this morning, and he was crying. He thinks it's his fault because he was being selfish and didn't want to bring her to get put down. She was like ten years old, and it's really sad because she's the only pet we've had and she's been around before both Emily and Grace and it just sucks so bad. I didn't think I'd cry when she died but this really fucking sucks.
I need a pick me up badly. I feel awful.
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nothing to say.   
10:59pm 14/06/2009
mood: blah
The aquarium can suck a dick, i'm over it already and i've only been back a month. awesome. i really need to save my money for new zealand i just have such an issue saving anything. aside from those two things everything is wonderful. i really don't have anything to complain about which basically means i don't have anything to write about in my livejournal. no one wants to read about the good things, just the shitty dramatic things that happen to you. so i guess, the end.
01:17pm 24/04/2009
  New Zealand Spring 2010 holla at meeeee. and hurry up. i'm sick of Emmanuel and Boston.  
11:34am 06/04/2009
  i just lurked the LudlowXXcrew myspace circa 2004. LAUGHED SO HARD. that picture is so good. miss yewz.  
05:42pm 01/04/2009
  i cannot wait to be out of the fucking country for five whole months. next year is way too fucking far away.  
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08:26pm 28/03/2009

my brother on drums haha
09:23pm 25/03/2009
  Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence, and leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again...

So if you love me, let me go. And run away before I know.
My heart is just too dark to care. I can't destroy what isn't there.
Deliver me into my Fate - If I'm alone I cannot hate
I don't deserve to have you...
My smile was taken long ago / If I can change I hope I never know

I still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
I couldn't face a life without your light
But all of that was ripped apart... when you refused to fight

So save your breath, I will not hear. I think I made it very clear.
You couldn't hate enough to love. Is that supposed to be enough?
I only wish you weren't my friend. Then I could hurt you in the end.
I never claimed to be a Saint...
My own was banished long ago / It took the Death of Hope to let you go

So Break Yourself Against My Stones
And Spit Your Pity In My Soul
You Never Needed Any Help
You Sold Me Out To Save Yourself
And I Won't Listen To Your Shame
You Ran Away - You're All The Same
Angels Lie To Keep Control...
My Love Was Punished Long Ago
If You Still Care, Don't Ever Let Me Know
If you still care, don't ever let me know...
12:38am 07/03/2009
  i leave for AZ in three hours.
i can't wait to get afuckingway for a week.
i hope serving others makes me feel better about myself.
community service usually does that for me.
i am so happy to be going to warm weather.
see ya in a week.
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08:34pm 25/01/2009
  sometimes it is good to reflect on who i have been through the years. no one has to read this. it was just amusing.

this time 1 year ago..."WHAT UP LIVEJOURNAL.
So i never write in this thing anymore, because well, i don't know why. Second semester is going okayyy so far. Boston is bomb as usual. Derek and i are excellent city. I think that I'm staying out here this summer aka getting an apt with some hoes. My family thinks i'm going to failll and not be able to pay but i'm hardcore looking for jobs and shit. I've had like three huge fights with my mom about life/derek/her being a bitch. I was like you can't expect me to learn from my mistakes if you don't let me even make them. yess. We'll see what happens. I think Derek is starting at AI in May. I hope that things work out for him and he gets his shit together because i know doing the right thing will make him happier. I really do hope he gets what he wants.
I love work, I do nothing. I need a better paying job though. bah. I also hate the weather. It's raining and cold and just pure shit. My 8am class was cancelled because my italian slut of a teacher got stuck in her parking lot/spot. She is driving a rented PT Cruiser, because usually she drives a Vespa. She is nuts. She text me this morning to tell me how she was stuck and couldn't make it to class. Is my life real? haha.
I had to take my SCARR class yesterday. Step one to Operation reinstate my goddamn license. It actually wasn't that bad. The trooper who ran it was decent and not an asshole so that was good. Mostly videos about how speed kills, etc. We were learning how to prevent a "snowball effect" yeah okay. Speeding tickets before you're 18 can suck it. I love that it took me almost a year to care of this. maybe my parents are right, i do need to learn some fucking responsibility if i want to be on my own. goddamn life lessons."

this time 2 years ago..."so today something somewhat amusing happened.
It was in between classes, study and english actually, and andrea, diana, dan, and i were at our lockers. i see my brother coming from one end of the hall, and his girlfriend katie coming from the other end. they meet, RIGHT across from us. Katie, obviously not realizing this, or perhaps even caring, was very touchy and lovey, and my brother, well aware of our presence and of our stares and smirks, was so awkward. they left each other, and she turned to try to kiss him and he sort of just turned. it was laughable, and made the three minutes pass by in amusement."

this time 3 years ago..."Cam got beef with Hova.OH SHOOT!i think im doing pretty okay in school. o i hope i ammmm.italy is crazy soon im so excited.im on a mission for a prom date.hockey is intense. the bruins are losing and there is ten minutes left.cathedral hockey does good when im not there.friendlys sucks.drama is D-U-M-B DUMB. YES! i can get my license in like two weeks as well. holla at lifeeee"

this time 4 years ago..."got a 60 on honors latin midterm. dad freaked out. he makes me feel like shit YAY. pissed off.
IM WICKED GOOD AT MAKING PEOPLE MAD. haha. oh well. cuz they are wierd. whatever. idk idk.. livejournal is gay.school was gay as usual. the quarter is over. shit nigga, so is the semester. no more health and computer. word.
lost our meet to belchertown, whatever.
the mall sucked a big one. i hung out with eddie and ian and dylan. clearly was no reason to go. it was a waste of time, and i ended up leaving in a worse mood than i showed up in, which wasnt an awesome mood to begin with. im officially over it by the way. fuckk this..."

this time 5 years ago..."lastnight i went to the malllll. it was pretty fun. DICK GOT PANTSED. haha.it was so funny. i dont think lauras mom wants to give me rides anymore, i feel bad :/
i was in a weird mood lastnight, sorry if i seemed like i was pissed at anyone...
so today i went snowboarding. hah i almost died. haha my back, ankle, neck, and head freaking kill right now. cuz i was going down, the first time i had ever done it, and i let my heels down, and fell flat on my back, but i was on a steep part, and i tumbled, with the board like attached to me, and like my legs, and upper body twisted opposite ways.. and i hit my head.. omg i cried. i felt like such a freaking baby. i sat for a while, but i went back up, and i was ok. i think next time i go, i'll be ok, because i know what to expect i suppose. YEAHHHH well im home now.. and bored."
12:06am 22/01/2009
  taking the job at the gym. very excited about that. really need to buy my books, i am just so lazy. my classes today went good. my chem&art teacher seems really cool and my math teacher as well. all is going good. have been looking for apartments and don't know who i am going to live with next year. i am sure i will end up back on fucking campus ugh. sarah and katie are still looking I THINK. and then elena asked me today, and so did alexa. everyone wants to live with me ahahahah. no but i really want to live off campus i just need to make sure i can afford it.... plus if i study abroad next year, i will be gone for 3-4 months, so that would have to be covered...UGH.  
01:54pm 12/01/2009
  saturday i had to go to boston because i had two interviews, one at boston sports club, and one at uno's. both interviews went really well, and i already have a second interview set up at uno's with the general manager. but if i get both, i don't know which i want so i really need to weigh the pros and cons.
the gym:
+free membership
+easy and laid back job
+easy hours
-not as many hours
-only 8.00 an hour
-gets really busy and stressful
+hostess and server hours
-late hours sometimes
+flexible hours

anyways i don't know what to dooo.
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11:01pm 30/12/2008
  well ho hum.
christmas was really good. i got great things, and it was stress free. i got ice skates yayayyy. and i went sunday for the first time in like ten years. i fell once, but it counted for like ten falls, i have some sweet bruises. monday night derek and i went to northampton and met up with bing and his girlfriend and ate at osaka and it was delicious as usual, and it was great seeing bing for the first time in yearsssssss. the boys got along well so it was exciting.
today we went ice skating again and i didn't fall and i actually let go of derek's hand for more than five feet at a time. i'm making progress! yayy. went and saw twilight again with my mom and nicole and cried as usual hahahah. iloveit.
oh well, vacation is good but i miss boston...
random thoughts.   
11:52am 23/12/2008
  it feels nice to be home, minus this lame ass snow. my christmas shopping is done, and wrapped and under the tree. that's fantastic. i am excited for christmas, per usual. the kitten is getting big and it's great, i love her..tiny tiny bella. i miss a lot of people, and i want to see them seeing as i am home for a month, i just feel like it is always talk "oh lets go to lunch,etc" and it neverrr happens. it sucks. hopefully that won't be the case this break...
derek and i are doing okay. things were getting really rough and we were always fighting and bitching and it just wasn't fun anymore. but things have been a lot better than they were and genuine apologies and promises were said all around. hopefully things stay good, and it works out. i'm well aware that after 2+ years things won't be giggly all the time, and that you're comfortable, but at the same time it's nice to know that he can still put a smile on my face without trying.
i still haven't gone to bright nights and it's pissing me off. we were going to go last night but i was being a bitch and wanted to go home. regret!
i wish i had a job over break, but it's so hard because no one is hiring (i love recessions wooo), and i'm only home for a month, so places are like whatt not worth that, obviously.
blah blah
tomorrow is christmas eve yayayayayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
11:45am 27/10/2008
  So. I didn't go to Rock the Ink which was fine I didn't even care.
I went to the Bruins game Saturday night with Alan and Derek, and it was fucking amazing. Lucic got a hat trick and i loved every minute of it. The seats were okayish, and it was pretty packed and that was nice to see at the garden since it rarely is busy in there. Maybe if the Bruins play smart hockey like they did Saturday it would be fuller. Anyway..
Sunday I finalllyyy got my halloween costume. I'm being a pirate and I love it. Derek is being a hick and it's fabulous, we bought the mullet and it fits fantastically. I'm so excited. hahah.
My headaches are still happening, but I hate taking medicine and going to doctors. Although the meds the nurse prescribed are helping, so thats good.
I think i'm falling behind in work but I don't even know.
Oh well...

halloweeeen come to me soonerrrr.
random thoughts.   
01:45pm 21/10/2008
  So I went home this weekend...again.
Friday Derek, Alan, Dylan and I went and saw Trivium and All That Remains and it was sickkkk. It was worth the drive to New Haven and the money. I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
Saturday I did nothing all day except go to Verizon and finally get a new goddamn phone thank god. Then I went to La Cucina with my mom, carlene, donna, and this other lady. it was decent. I miss the little things about home.
After that I went to McCray's with Derek and Alan and waited forever for a shitty hayride. I've realized that no matter how shitty I know it will be we will all still go because it's McCrays and its halloween and thats what anyone from the area does, it's tradition. Anyway it was a good time.
Sunday was Kaitlyn's 16th birthday and Chrissy fell off the quad and we had to call 911 and it was big fiasco. Anyway he didn't break anything so all is well, just some major bruising.
My head hurts and I have too much homework and i hate it.
The Bruins lost last night in a shootout go figure. they better be good this season.. i might go to the game saturday....
or I might go to Rock the Ink in Providence....I want a new tattoo really fucking bad.
I also need to go get a halloween costume.
the end.
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12:25pm 22/09/2008
  SO Friday I got my hair done, then went to the Big E with Carly. It was really nice seeing her because I hadn't in a wicked long time, and I missed her. We went and visited her cat at Jeff's house after for about five minutes. hahah. It was a good time, I'm glad I saw her.
Saturday I went again to the Big E with Bri, Tom, and Derek. It was so packed and ridiculous, but it was great seeing Bri because that had been even longer than Carly. We were there for a while, ran into my dad and Lori and what not, they were bringing Emily to see ugh jordin sparks or whatever her name is.
Anyway, getting in free both days and free baked potatoes and being able to use clean bathrooms and what not was fabulous.
Sunday Derek and I went to Friendly's for breakfast. Saw Lauren and Jenn, hadn't seen them in a long long time. Went to Emily's soccer game and then to my grandma's for dinner, and finally bussed it back to Boston.
It was really nice being home for the first time in a long time.
I miss a lot of people.
08:48am 18/09/2008
  I'm so excited to come home this weekend.  
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life in general.   
03:41pm 11/09/2008
mood: contemplative
so, classes are currently going alright. persuasive strategies is a repeat from last year, except major upgrade on the teacher. Sociology is boring so far, and the teacher is crazy. america since the 1960's seems good so far, except a lot of reading. Love and gender in film and lit may turn out to be my favorite i think, we'll see.
Crista has been in the hospital since sunday, some kind of ulcer, they had to drain an abcess blah blah hopefully i'll be getting my roommate back soon.
I'm working both the aquarium and the registrar's office, so we'll see how that works out with school and everything. i'm only working like two/three days at each job though, so whatever.
I want to go home for the big e really bad, so hopefully that will be happening next weekend, and i have a date with carly when i go home too, and i miss her a whole bunch so that's good. I actually miss everyone. it's hard for people to come here..or they don't want to, which is whatever.. but like it's hard for me to go home too. and people like hate me now, because i don't see them or i'm a bad friend i don't know. it's just funny that people can travel to see others but they can't come to boston to see me, so i'm the bad friend? whatever really, i miss carly and kayla and laura and bri and i don't really care about lauren and kelly and andrea and even fucking diana anymore. i guess she's been a shitty friend to everyone.

anyways whatever. remember the mall and the wilbyville kids and walking over the traintracks to nicoles and plantilla kids and what the hell being 15. hahaha.

i'm in the whale watch booth right now making money for doing absolutely nothing. hah.
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12:09am 01/09/2008
  nothing is going rightttttttt.
i don't know what i'm doing, but it's all falling apart.